


Hisoka Stock Market Adventure

by feitan



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Crack, The stock market
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 22:30:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6629602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feitan/pseuds/feitan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hisoka struggles to check his stocks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hisoka Stock Market Adventure

Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with the stock market.  
Hisoka’s eyes snapped open when his 5:00am alarm went off. He was sweating already. He leapt out of bed and landed in his pointy clown slippers. After sprinting to the kitchen, he punched a hole through the refrigerator door and reached inside. He withdrew a loaf of bread and shoved it in his mouth, plastic bag and all. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Hisoka bounded over to it and punched a hole through that as well. Peering through the hole, he discovered Chrollo standing perpendicular to the floor outside. There was an object in his hand. Hisoka reached out and stole the Object before boarding up the door again.”Yes!” he exclaimed in revelation. “My Sunday paper has arrived at last!” Then, he remembered another thing. “ILLUMI GET IN HERE.” he said. Illumi emerged from beneath the carpet and ascended until he stood above it, next to the hole that he had emerged from. “Hello Hisoka.” he said. Hisoka flung the newspaper into the air in excitement. He pointed at Illumi. “Clean that up.” he said. Illumi extended his arm and touched a piece of newspaper on the ground. It stuck to the palm of his hand and he brought it to his mouth and ate it. “Thank you Illumi” Hisoka said, withdrawing his Spanish guitar from his backpack. He smashed it on the ground and picked up a shard of wood from its remnants. He chose a piece of newspaper and stabbed it with the shard of wood. Holding it up to the light now, he examined it. “Just as I thought…” he said thoughtfully. “I still can’t read.” He sighed deeply as he set the newspaper on the kitchen counter and grabbed his iPhone. He snapped a picture and sent it to Illumi. “Check your phone.” he told Illumi who was still snacking on the rest of the rest of the newspapers. Illumi nodded and coughed up his flip phone. He opened the message from Hisoka and downloaded the 1 Media Attachment. Two of his three allotted Multimedia Messages for the month were gone now. Remembering this made him so angry that he set his phone on the ground and stomped on it with his foot until it was no longer in existence. “I hate technology” he muttered, beginning to descend back into his carpet hole. It was time for his 5:03am nap. “WAIT,” Hisoka shouted into the Hole. “WHAT ABOUT MY STOCKS?” But it was too late. Illumi was gone. “Tch…” Hisoka cried, and unlocked his iPhone again. He searched through his contacts for someone else who knew how to read. Not being able to read himself made this very difficult for Hisoka, but he managed it nonetheless. He snapped another picture and sent it off to Chrollo, only to receive a text a moment later that said “I can’t read, either”. Hisoka cringed and chucked his iPhone at the wall. He needed some better friends. Some literate friends. “I guess I also need a new phone, too…” Hisoka said, examining the pile of dust where his phone used to be. He stuck his head into the hole in the carpet and looked for Illumi. “I’m going to the store.” he informed his friend, who he could not see because it was so dark. It smelled too much like butter, so Hisoka left to grab the keys to his clown car off the key rack. “I’m going to the store I’m going to the store” he chanted as he ascended into the air. “I hope I see Illumi there.” he said, once again descending above his clown car. He landed on the roof and began driving to the store. He finally arrived at the store and phased through the car door until he was outside of the car. “Ha!” Hisoka shouted triumphantly to no one. “The laws of matter do not apply to clowns!” Suddenly he was inside the store. He said hello to Illumi before jogging to the cellphone aisle. He picked out the most expensive flip phone and put it in his pocket. “I have at last acquired a cellular device. Now, I need to purchase some friends,” he said. He removed his new phone from his pocket and held it up to his face. “Siri where can I purchase some friends who know how to read?” he asked. The flip phone resting in his sweaty clown hand did not reply. “Siri?” he tried again. “I need your help. I need to find some friends who can read.” After getting no reply again, he began to worry. “Siri??? Are you okay??? It’s Hisoka. Please respond.” Hisoka began to cry. “ILLUMI” he yelled. Illumi ascended from beneath the tile floor of the supermarket. “Hello Hisoka” he greeted. Hisoka smiled at his friend. “I need to check my stocks.” he said. Illumi disintegrated on the spot. It was time for his 5:06am nap. “Oh,” Hisoka said, kicking the dust under a rug. Instead, he left the store and went back to his car. He had no idea how he was going to check his stocks, but he was determined to do it somehow. As he was driving home, an idea struck him. He slammed on his brakes in the middle of an intersection and got out his cellphone. He sent a message to Feitan that said “Can you read. Urgent.” Feitan did not reply because he did not recognize the sender of this cryptic message, and instead set his phone on fire. In that time, Hisoka had caused the three cars in back of him to stop suddenly, thus crashing into one another. He scoffed and continued driving home. When he got home, he left his car running and ascended up and into the building once more. Upon entering the living room, he noticed a stunning lack of newspapers anywhere. This could only mean that Illumi had consumed every last one of them while he was out. He punched another hole through the refrigerator and removed one of Illumi’s expensive bottles of wine. He made his way over to the hole in the floor in which Illumi slumbered and ripped the cork out of the wine bottle. He poured some wine into the hole. “Illumi? Wake up.” he commanded. Illumi extended his arm out and wrenched the bottle from Hisoka’s grasp. He had had enough of this. “No,” Illumi said. “You wake up.” Hisoka was stunned. “But I am awake!” he screeched. Illumi smirked and raised the wine bottle in his hand. “Not for long.” he said as he clubbed Hisoka in the head. It had no effect on the magic man. Illumi shrugged and dropped the bottle into the garbage disposal.


End file.
